Amo. Ergo, Sum.

Descartes is wrong! .... or incomplete, rather.

In my Ethics class today, we discussed his theory of "Cogito, ergo sum" = "I think, therefore, I am." He believes that humans exist, and the bearing of this existence is only evident through the ability to think and comprehend.

Then, we discussed James K.A. Smith, a philosopher who says that there is much more to the human experience than just thinking mechanically.

And there is!

We are not existing just to think. We are not existing only to be individualistic and selfish. We are not existing to be alone. We exist to love!

So, "Amo, ergo sum!" = "I love, therefore, I am!" The passions of my heart drive me into existence--not only my ability to think. I want to be in a community of interdependence, not independence.

I exist to love and to be loved.

Just something to think about.... :D

"Why don't you let me love you more?

This is all that I desire.

Won't you let me love you more?

This is all that I require.

Won't you let me love you more?

This is my deepest heart's desire.

Won't you let me love you more? Still more? Yes, more?" - Misty Edwards

Certain, are we?

The three simple words "I don't know" seem so foreign and have this grind of uncertainty that is uncomfortable to feel. Growing up as a child, I forever felt this pressure to "know" things.

I had to know what the derivative of y=2x was.

I had to know that I must get married one day in order to live the "good life" (along with a house, a car, and two or three children, of course).

I had to know that I could achieve what whatever my individualistic, selfish mind wanted to grab.

Then, I encountered a verse in The Book that slapped in the face and continues to slap me today. It is Proverbs 3:5-6:


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

At first glance, this seems to be a wonderfully packaged cliche that we spew all the time to explain God's divine providence over the unexpected. However, I have discovered this simple truth to be a cacophonous yet beautiful paradox. How do we trust in the Lord? With the heart alone- we do not cogitate trust in the Uncreated One. Why? Because we should not lean on or trust in our own cogitations.

But, then the next verse states to "acknowledge him in all of your ways." Acknowledging, admitting, thinking upon, cogitating him. So, the very disposition that I am told to "lean not" on is the very approach that I am using to acknowledge His guiding presence. My foundational understanding should be that God is leading me. Therefore, I am leaning on and thinking about him in all of my ways, so that I allow him to direct my path.

A slight change needs to occur in our minds. Instead of leaning on our on understanding about our cogitations on life, we need to lean on our understanding of God- knowing that no matter what crooked paths my own cogitations have led me to, He is present to make my paths straight. He makes them right. He makes them. When I don't know about (fill in blank)- God is there to make the cogitations about (fill in blank) straight paths.

All in all, the response of "I don't know" is okay. I pray for the desire only to go where He goes, say what He says, and do what He wants.

"I don't know where I'm going.
I've been blinded by the truth.
Between the graveyard and the garden,
There's a road that leads to You." - Jason Upton

Reverence Over Fear

I have been hearing a lot about fear lately....

The increase of crime.

The discovery of cancer.

The hurt of death.

Especially the wrath God has on this sinful mankind.

I know that I have been taught differently, but when I think about Yahweh, I do not fear. Apprehension's fingerprints are not upon the fields of my mind.

Trust me, I know that God sees my sins and can strike me with lightning, make me destitute, or even turn me into marshmallow soup. But, I am pretty sure that his heart aches for my prosperity. I have asked to be planted, and he has planted me, allowing no man to pluck me up.

So, in the hands of Jehovah, I rejoice. Not in the heavy, suspicious atmosphere of dangerous fear, but in the light, selfless ambiance of his scandalous love for his creation. Dancing in the truth that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Pinned by his grace. Captured by his freedom.

"Sin has lost its power. Death has lost its sting. From the grave, you've risen victoriously."

If death comes, I live in the hands of the One who breathes life.

Community: The Painful Pleasure

Community is my favorite word to hear and to talk about as of late. Every time I hear it, I get this warm, nostalgic feeling inside that tugs me into a place of desiring more and more of it. It is so special, so intimate, so weighted with meaning.

I think (maybe too much at times) that an interactive community is the opposite of loneliness. I had to "unteach" myself about the subject of loneliness. I am somewhat socially active, so I don't experience this feeling often, but it still knocks gently at my door every once and a while. Sometimes, it even convinces me that I want it. I occasionally find myself thinking that it would be much easier not to deal with people....and all that the word "people" connotes, like emotions, different viewpoints on religion and politics, abandonment. And maybe, to a certain, tangible extent, that is true. But being around others is the only thing that fills that void- that necessity to love and to be loved. So, avoidance is never the answer.

For the most part of the summer, I have had no car, no job....therefore limited money. But the one thing that has remained is community. I have thoroughly enjoyed the people that I've hung around. Some of us really don't have much in common, come to think of it, regarding religion, politics (especially politics), and positions in life, but we still form a group, a community, that sticks together.

I believe God places people around you so that you can love and be loved, disagree and be disagreed with, reconcile and be reconciled with, forgive and be forgiven. This microcosm of community is minutely a reflection of our divine relationship with God. His love remains, no matter what we do. Nothing can separate us from it. Community is the only place where you can learn about yourself, learn of others, and learn of God.

There is nothing wrong with desiring a relationship (I am still a little fuzzy about the topic). However, being in a relationship is not the only way to avoid loneliness. Community is. Being surrounding by people who want to see you prosper in all areas of life. People who encourage you when you are down and reprove you when you are going astray.

We disagree.
We fight.
We hate.

but, you are in my God-given community. And that is all right with me.

Familiar Chains

It is so easy to get caught up in familiarity. Those comfortable chains that grace your neck so lightly, so tightly. But you know that they are there. You know that you are use to them, but you are afraid of what would happen if you let them go. You have grown accustomed to the little oxygen that you breathe in, because you think these chains are normal.

I confronted one of my many chains, recently. This one was called self.

There was this guy at my church; I really don't know him at all. Instantly, my mind buildt prejudices against him. He was very, very dark. Full of tattoos. Smelled of smoke. Blood-shot eyes. You know, the works.

You see, I admit. I don't know how to deal with certain folks. I feel incompetent when it comes to Agapic, non-stereotypical love. He made me uncomfortable, unsure, unholy.

He walked up to me during the church service, and asked for a bottle of water. My mind instantly yelled, "WHO ARE YOU? WHY WOULD I GIVE YOU ANYTHING!" Then I realized my fatal problem.

Subtle conviction warned me not to think more highly of myself. I need to see everyone with Jehovah's eyes, the eyes of Love. I am to think of others more highly than myself. I believe that happens when you "lay down your life for your friends." Laying down your selfish wants and basic needs for the lives of those created by the same Creator as you were.

In brokenness, I retrieved him a bottle of water. Then, we began to talk. About his tattoos, of course. One of his tats is the name of his daughter. He talked about his great love for her, and how he wanted her to have a great future. We talked about the bible and how he didn't trust it. But he was working on his belief in Jesus.

I need to practice this life of holy uncomfortableness. Loving those who are not like me. Not like the people I hang around. Thinking more highly of those around me than myself.

I believe that is the Kingdom of Heaven that is to come.

"Come break the chains,
The chains that hinder love.
All that remains of yester year.
Come break the chains,
The chains that pull me down.
Come break the chains and draw me near. "

The Prosperity Lie

I don't get it. No entiendo.

You say that if a person "struggles," then they are not blessed? If their car breaks down, or if they cannot pay a bill....this apparently classifies as a curse from God. Because "life more abundantly" is suppose to be full of houses and 13 cars and a puppy named Roxy (who is smaller than a chicken wing.)

Not so.

I am sorry that you measure the spiritual with the quantity of naturalism. More money, more God, eh? I mean, I might have little faith, but please don't measure something spiritual with the grunge of this planet.

I am called to be in this world...but not of it. This message that you preach seems to be a reflection of the love of money, a bearing on what this world has to offer. But, on the contrary,I understand that even without a house, a car, or any other material possession, I am smiled on by the Most High. I need to grasp the fact that even if He doesn't deliver me from the fires of this realm, I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind that He is more than able and more than willing to do that. Now that is the abundant life that I am called to. Transcendence. No matter what..... My God is my God.

I am not cursed. I will not receive it.

It is not a sin to be rich (I mean, who doesn't want to be.... am I right? am I right?)....but I think it is very, very sad to die rich.





Waging Peace