Connection

I like Subway because I always leave that place with a story to tell. A millisecond before I stepped into the area, a middle-aged woman weaved in front of me. She carried a phone in her right hand and an attitude in the wrinkles of her forehead. She began telling the worker what she wanted on her three (oh yes, three) foot long sandywitches. When she learned they were out of tomatoes, she insisted on waiting until the worker ran into Wal-Mart to restock, for it was "impossible," she informed me, to eat her regulars without tomatoes. Although slightly angry, my hunger got the best of me, so I waited for the man to return.

While patience was grinding her perfect work within, I playfully eavesdropped on a conversation between two older women. They had the perfect formula for being evangelical Pentecostals = Blue jean shirt + Tennis shoes +Pinned-up hair dos. As I listened, one was telling the other about a movie she had recently seen. I didn't catch the gist of the movie- but it had to do with a governmental spy couple. Apparently, the man in the movie had been captured and kept from his lover for a long time.

The woman continued her narrative about the film, finally concluding in an aroused voice, "But at the end, the man bust up in the woman's house and said 'For all this time, you were the one I have always loved!' Ah!"

She finished this line of the movie and began to cry. They were not dramatic tears. She simply cried silently, while taking a pause for air.

It seemed frivolous at first, but I began to wonder why she cried- in public for all to see, over an unrealistic movie.

That connection she felt overwhelmed her. A connection that was stronger than the social norm of "not crying in public." Selflessly sobbing over something she saw as beautiful. She felt attached to the essence of that one scene. Maybe she realized the beauty of love, grace and life that comes from the true reconciliation of this broken humanity. To her, that scene could have given her hope that love is possible, fervent and moving.

I am pretty sure the cause of her tears was not a desperate cry for "a man" in her life. She experienced something much greater than her desires and wants. At that moment, she experience that electromagnetic spark that people experience when engaging with one another.

Deeper than any feeling, deeper than this naturalistic earth- this spark is a touch of the divine, weaved into the very fabric of our humanity. Tying us together one by one, group by group, race by race, from glory to glory.

Every tear in her eye, in the back of a dingy Subway restaurant in a rough part of Jackson, was a beautiful thing.

And that is the spark, selfless and unadulterated, that I seek.

Dry Palms

My palms, oh these palms of mine, are dry as the bones scattered in the graves before Ezekiel's burning eyes. Holding on too tightly is the cause. Wrapping the grooves of my willing and naïve
fingers around something that only soaks the moisture out of my hands.

Moisture is life.

So, my hands are dry. Because I cling to things that do not bring moisture.

Oh no, let's not become angry when a fatal crack rips through your palm. Let's not wonder about the reasons for everyone that you hold breaking right before your eyes.

But, even so, let's not be afraid of this dehydration. Wrap your bleeding hands in cloths. I must let it go. You must let go of the broken pieces you secretly cup in your hands, that broken thing that you held too tightly.

Let it go.

Yes, you have learned from it.

Let it go.

Oh yeah, you have grown fond of it.

Let it go.

But, I think I can fix the pieces again- it will be brand new! A new perspective, right?

No, let it go.

We mustn't steal the dry hands of the Potter.

Change my heart, like the dew in the morning.

Broken Humanity

I am not a "Christian" first. I am a human. Period.

Things get so mixed up in this bubble, in this false reflection of reality. We happy-go-lucky goers get comfortable with smiling, praising and to ignoring all at the same time with the same heart. We buy it, sale it and think it to be the only right in the world.

(Being "in the world, but not of it" doesn't allow you to treat a person like a pile of dung.)

We aare a human first. This Christian spirituality, which became a part of us after being human, is the joyous, painful journey of my broken humanity reconciling with a perfect Creator. It teaches us the interconnectedness between all men (and women) and how to protect that connect from "fallen-ness."

So, no matter where you are on the journey, I will treat you like you should treat me: as human. As beings created by the same Creator. As parched sojourners in need a only a half-glass of water.

That is all there is to be said.

Blame

Who can you fling the blame at this time?

Who can you point your weighty fingers upon? Why is there no one around to eat upon this feast?

Oh, you blame the Evil One...but his porous, bloody hand cannot touch the cage you call a heart.

Oh, you blame the Wicked One... but his seductive, decadent whisper cannot tell the rivers of your veins to flow this-a-way.

Oh, you blame the Holy One...but his love for his creation burns faster and greater than a thousand suns.

You, my friend, hold the keys to this destiny of yours. A blank mind and a fresh slate are all you need to survive this cold. No reason for the blame game. No need to compensate for your fallow past - that place that raped you of livelihood and pure thought. Tomorrow is today.

I say to you, trust in this humanity set before you! You have the ability to create, to destroy, to build, to tear down, to give, to take. You hold it in the crevices of your mindful heart.

Beware of this blame that leads to a sneaky demise. Beware of this complacency that crucifies creativity. Beware of this blame kills the God in you.

Blame, settle within the bowels. Escape quickly.

"Do what only you can do.

Just let my heart be alive.

Let me be living deep, deep on the inside.

Come fan the flame."

Amo. Ergo, Sum.

Descartes is wrong! .... or incomplete, rather.

In my Ethics class today, we discussed his theory of "Cogito, ergo sum" = "I think, therefore, I am." He believes that humans exist, and the bearing of this existence is only evident through the ability to think and comprehend.

Then, we discussed James K.A. Smith, a philosopher who says that there is much more to the human experience than just thinking mechanically.

And there is!

We are not existing just to think. We are not existing only to be individualistic and selfish. We are not existing to be alone. We exist to love!

So, "Amo, ergo sum!" = "I love, therefore, I am!" The passions of my heart drive me into existence--not only my ability to think. I want to be in a community of interdependence, not independence.

I exist to love and to be loved.

Just something to think about.... :D

"Why don't you let me love you more?

This is all that I desire.

Won't you let me love you more?

This is all that I require.

Won't you let me love you more?

This is my deepest heart's desire.

Won't you let me love you more? Still more? Yes, more?" - Misty Edwards

Certain, are we?

The three simple words "I don't know" seem so foreign and have this grind of uncertainty that is uncomfortable to feel. Growing up as a child, I forever felt this pressure to "know" things.

I had to know what the derivative of y=2x was.

I had to know that I must get married one day in order to live the "good life" (along with a house, a car, and two or three children, of course).

I had to know that I could achieve what whatever my individualistic, selfish mind wanted to grab.

Then, I encountered a verse in The Book that slapped in the face and continues to slap me today. It is Proverbs 3:5-6:


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

At first glance, this seems to be a wonderfully packaged cliche that we spew all the time to explain God's divine providence over the unexpected. However, I have discovered this simple truth to be a cacophonous yet beautiful paradox. How do we trust in the Lord? With the heart alone- we do not cogitate trust in the Uncreated One. Why? Because we should not lean on or trust in our own cogitations.

But, then the next verse states to "acknowledge him in all of your ways." Acknowledging, admitting, thinking upon, cogitating him. So, the very disposition that I am told to "lean not" on is the very approach that I am using to acknowledge His guiding presence. My foundational understanding should be that God is leading me. Therefore, I am leaning on and thinking about him in all of my ways, so that I allow him to direct my path.

A slight change needs to occur in our minds. Instead of leaning on our on understanding about our cogitations on life, we need to lean on our understanding of God- knowing that no matter what crooked paths my own cogitations have led me to, He is present to make my paths straight. He makes them right. He makes them. When I don't know about (fill in blank)- God is there to make the cogitations about (fill in blank) straight paths.

All in all, the response of "I don't know" is okay. I pray for the desire only to go where He goes, say what He says, and do what He wants.

"I don't know where I'm going.
I've been blinded by the truth.
Between the graveyard and the garden,
There's a road that leads to You." - Jason Upton

Reverence Over Fear

I have been hearing a lot about fear lately....

The increase of crime.

The discovery of cancer.

The hurt of death.

Especially the wrath God has on this sinful mankind.

I know that I have been taught differently, but when I think about Yahweh, I do not fear. Apprehension's fingerprints are not upon the fields of my mind.

Trust me, I know that God sees my sins and can strike me with lightning, make me destitute, or even turn me into marshmallow soup. But, I am pretty sure that his heart aches for my prosperity. I have asked to be planted, and he has planted me, allowing no man to pluck me up.

So, in the hands of Jehovah, I rejoice. Not in the heavy, suspicious atmosphere of dangerous fear, but in the light, selfless ambiance of his scandalous love for his creation. Dancing in the truth that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Pinned by his grace. Captured by his freedom.

"Sin has lost its power. Death has lost its sting. From the grave, you've risen victoriously."

If death comes, I live in the hands of the One who breathes life.

Community: The Painful Pleasure

Community is my favorite word to hear and to talk about as of late. Every time I hear it, I get this warm, nostalgic feeling inside that tugs me into a place of desiring more and more of it. It is so special, so intimate, so weighted with meaning.

I think (maybe too much at times) that an interactive community is the opposite of loneliness. I had to "unteach" myself about the subject of loneliness. I am somewhat socially active, so I don't experience this feeling often, but it still knocks gently at my door every once and a while. Sometimes, it even convinces me that I want it. I occasionally find myself thinking that it would be much easier not to deal with people....and all that the word "people" connotes, like emotions, different viewpoints on religion and politics, abandonment. And maybe, to a certain, tangible extent, that is true. But being around others is the only thing that fills that void- that necessity to love and to be loved. So, avoidance is never the answer.

For the most part of the summer, I have had no car, no job....therefore limited money. But the one thing that has remained is community. I have thoroughly enjoyed the people that I've hung around. Some of us really don't have much in common, come to think of it, regarding religion, politics (especially politics), and positions in life, but we still form a group, a community, that sticks together.

I believe God places people around you so that you can love and be loved, disagree and be disagreed with, reconcile and be reconciled with, forgive and be forgiven. This microcosm of community is minutely a reflection of our divine relationship with God. His love remains, no matter what we do. Nothing can separate us from it. Community is the only place where you can learn about yourself, learn of others, and learn of God.

There is nothing wrong with desiring a relationship (I am still a little fuzzy about the topic). However, being in a relationship is not the only way to avoid loneliness. Community is. Being surrounding by people who want to see you prosper in all areas of life. People who encourage you when you are down and reprove you when you are going astray.

We disagree.
We fight.
We hate.

but, you are in my God-given community. And that is all right with me.

Familiar Chains

It is so easy to get caught up in familiarity. Those comfortable chains that grace your neck so lightly, so tightly. But you know that they are there. You know that you are use to them, but you are afraid of what would happen if you let them go. You have grown accustomed to the little oxygen that you breathe in, because you think these chains are normal.

I confronted one of my many chains, recently. This one was called self.

There was this guy at my church; I really don't know him at all. Instantly, my mind buildt prejudices against him. He was very, very dark. Full of tattoos. Smelled of smoke. Blood-shot eyes. You know, the works.

You see, I admit. I don't know how to deal with certain folks. I feel incompetent when it comes to Agapic, non-stereotypical love. He made me uncomfortable, unsure, unholy.

He walked up to me during the church service, and asked for a bottle of water. My mind instantly yelled, "WHO ARE YOU? WHY WOULD I GIVE YOU ANYTHING!" Then I realized my fatal problem.

Subtle conviction warned me not to think more highly of myself. I need to see everyone with Jehovah's eyes, the eyes of Love. I am to think of others more highly than myself. I believe that happens when you "lay down your life for your friends." Laying down your selfish wants and basic needs for the lives of those created by the same Creator as you were.

In brokenness, I retrieved him a bottle of water. Then, we began to talk. About his tattoos, of course. One of his tats is the name of his daughter. He talked about his great love for her, and how he wanted her to have a great future. We talked about the bible and how he didn't trust it. But he was working on his belief in Jesus.

I need to practice this life of holy uncomfortableness. Loving those who are not like me. Not like the people I hang around. Thinking more highly of those around me than myself.

I believe that is the Kingdom of Heaven that is to come.

"Come break the chains,
The chains that hinder love.
All that remains of yester year.
Come break the chains,
The chains that pull me down.
Come break the chains and draw me near. "

The Prosperity Lie

I don't get it. No entiendo.

You say that if a person "struggles," then they are not blessed? If their car breaks down, or if they cannot pay a bill....this apparently classifies as a curse from God. Because "life more abundantly" is suppose to be full of houses and 13 cars and a puppy named Roxy (who is smaller than a chicken wing.)

Not so.

I am sorry that you measure the spiritual with the quantity of naturalism. More money, more God, eh? I mean, I might have little faith, but please don't measure something spiritual with the grunge of this planet.

I am called to be in this world...but not of it. This message that you preach seems to be a reflection of the love of money, a bearing on what this world has to offer. But, on the contrary,I understand that even without a house, a car, or any other material possession, I am smiled on by the Most High. I need to grasp the fact that even if He doesn't deliver me from the fires of this realm, I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind that He is more than able and more than willing to do that. Now that is the abundant life that I am called to. Transcendence. No matter what..... My God is my God.

I am not cursed. I will not receive it.

It is not a sin to be rich (I mean, who doesn't want to be.... am I right? am I right?)....but I think it is very, very sad to die rich.





Waging Peace